Talentless Celebrities

  As I was riding in my car yesterday, scanning radio stations I came across a pop station playing some new music. It had this whining computerized sound that I recognized immediately to be the result of the artist (I use this term only to generically describe the source of the music, as there are no artists left in the music industry...which I will get into in a few) using an Auto-Tune Machine. For those of you not familiar with the device, wikipedia describes it as this: It is used to disguise off-key inaccuracies and mistakes, and has allowed singers to perform perfectly tuned vocal tracks without the need of singing in tune. Basically, even a no talent dip-shit like me sounds as if he can sing. Auto-Tune has been used excessively in recent years to give talent to the talentless...see Ashlee Simpson if you need proof. I then realized that whether its on television, movies, or in music, there seems to be a huge lack of talent...and that pisses me off.

  I remember, as a child, I gazed at celebrities in awe. They appeared untouchable and larger than life. They actually had talent. The entertainers today just simply suck. We have singers who cant sing, actors who cant act, and comedians that are about as funny as a case of the clap. Our modern culture has cheapened being a celebrity and made it common. These days any douche with a web-cam and half ass computer can become an overnight sensation on YouTube. If you are willing to sacrifice your dignity, you can become a reality television personality. All this has made being a celebrity attainable by those who have no business in front of a camera.

  When I was a kid, there were three television channels...four channels if you added a potato and clothes hanger to the mix. This meant that only the best made it to the screen. Now, with hundreds of channels, networks will take damn near anyone off the street just to fill space. The emergence of reality television has to be the worse thing to happen to the human race since the black plague. Not only does it show the worst character traits in people, it celebrates their bad behavior. Personally, I would not appear on a reality show no matter how bad I wanted to get famous. My self-respect is worth more that that (Please disregard the recent post concerning weird and embarrassing sexual moments...I really do have some self respect).

  The movies are a little better, but not much. The biggest bitch I have about movies is the lack of a decent action/adventure leading man. There are no more tough guys. Now we have Shia LaBeouf. Really? Is that all we get? I just cant buy Shia kicking any ass. Sadly, Matt Damon is the closest thing we have to macho. At least he has talent. Not much hope for movies if we don't get some decent bad-asses showing up soon.

  The worst offender of true talent is music. What the fuck is going on with music? We even have rappers using Auto-Tune, such as T-Pain. Follow me on this...rapping is basically just fucking talking. Do you really need Auto-Tune for that? And what the hell is all the fuss about Lady Ga-Ga? She is a no talent bitch that looks like an alien. And I'm not so sure she's not a chude (chick that might be a dude, for those of you not in the know), cause she looks like a pre-op tranny. The scariest thing is that one of the most popular acts in the country is Miley Cyrus. That little bitch can't act or sing, yet ironically, she has made millions doing both. I live in Nashville, and everyday I see tons of people who are more talented than these losers who are currently on the Billboard charts.. Why are all these no-talent mother fuckers so successful?

  I suppose I am becoming a bitter old man. Perhaps I just don't "get it" with entertainment these days. I had always considered myself pretty progressive, but perhaps I'm stuck in the past. If so, I'm cool with that cause at least I'm stuck in the past with great music and kick ass actors. I refuse to listen to any music recorded after 1980, and have completely stopped watching anything but news on television. And even the news makes me violently ill these days. I still roll the dice on movies, as there have been some pleasant surprises of late, such as: The Hurt Locker, Zombieland, and others. I do see a glimmer of hope in music with a few bands like: Cage the Elephant Kings of Leon, Saving Abel, and several others. As for television...fucking forget it. At least there is a sliver of potential in two of the three mediums. Oh well...I gotta run...don't want to miss today's episode of The Jersey Shore...now that's quality programming.